My name is Karan Johar and I am not always pathetic..

Fear grips me, the walls seem to crush me am I am writhing in pain. All this when I see the name 'Karan Johar' on the screen. The otherwise melodious tone of 'Dharma productions' seems to be ghastly as all the dreadful memories of stuff in Kabhi Alvida..(sorry Dash, but it still happens to be the most pathetic movie I've seen), Kal Ho na.. etc resurface. Besides all the apprehensions, here I was- watching 'My Name is Khan' with my family.

In spite of my inhibitions, the movie turned out to be pretty good. A great watch; doesn't matter if you are a SRK fan or not. The central theme of the movie remains humanity, love, forgiveness, autism and Shah Rukh Khan. Needless to say, it does not waver from this path, and of all the SRK factor remains the prime. And yes, he lives up to it. We all have noticed that disability with the protagonist has become a major selling point amongst the Khans (remember Taare Zameen Par, Ghajini, Tere naam, Kal ho na Ho etc?). Yet I have to point out that SRK has played the autistic adult really well. Might I add that the junior avatar of SRK is even better!

The theme is noble and the only improvement that could have been would be editing of parts where they went overboard while proving a point. You know what I'm talking about: the too good good, righteousness prevails, blah blah. For example, we didn't need the firangs singing 'Saare jahaan se achcha' in English (neither did we want firangs to sing Jana gana man in K3G). And though the idea made an effect on the audience, the director decided to take it further and bring in Mr. Obama to make sure his message was accepted by creatures with no brains at all. Wait a second, 'firang' reminds me: Why do we always need to go to the US?? Trust me, there are plenty of similar issues in India that can be brought up with movies.

Now this is what I call Johar-ism. I used to call it Johar-panti but since he proved to be not so chaat this time, I'll settle for the more polished form- Johar-ism.

The fourth state: exploring Andhra..

I often find myself in company of people who flaunt their set of wheels' horsepower and complain at the same time. “Our country doesn't have good roads, too much traffic, driving is a pain, public transport is a mess”- they say. My answer to such people is always the same. You haven't explored your country well enough. There is no dearth of roads, use some state transport buses to get out of the city, and there is no dearth of places to put your horses to good use. But for all this, you have to step out from your shell and explore your beautiful country.

The idea of Horsley hills was introduced to me by Sridhar uncle when I visited their place last week. In no time, I figured out we had a lot in common. Chitra aunty and Sridhar uncle turned out to be one of the few people who could connect with what I do on the road on weekends. Most of our conversation over dinner was about places in and around Bangalore, and of course his BMW 320i and my Pulsar 200. He gave me a brief introduction of Horseley hills and I loved what I heard. However, uncle warned me that as it is with the other places we discussed; I should not expect much from this place besides the serenity and the charm of being cut off from the city life.

We set out in the chilly foggy morning at around 6:40am. Vikram's delay turned out to be a blessing. God knows if we would have had the guts to continue in the dark with visibility limited to around 70 meters. We exited Bangalore from Old Madras road which transforms into NH-4. This highway is and will remain one of the worst roads of Bangalore for at least some more time thanks to the construction going on. Surprisingly, both sides of the highway exiting Bangalore (Tumkur road as well as Old Madras road side) portray the same sorry picture. Fortunately, we got off this wretched road just before Hoskote to get on the state highway 88. For an hour: we wiped our visors, we shivered, we blinked a million times but we bravely rode on. The town of Chintamani saw the end of our fog Chintaas after which we sped up with Praddy leading the way. The sun was finally victorious and we welcomed in the hope that it’d take care of our wet gloves, shoes and clothes. The roads are majestic and judging by the build quality, they should continue to be so for at least a year or so. The above mentioned Horse power flaunters/city cribbers can make a note of this. Got power? Then this is one of the places to show! We passed a queer bamboo staff and it was after a while that it struck me that it signified our arrival into the state of Andhra Pradesh. Talk about a free country and the freedom to move anywhere! That border check post; (if I may call it that) would make the city or district borders look like bullet infested war frontiers. The state highway ends at Madanpalle from where we continued on the NH 205.

This turned out to be a major trucking route and we were glad to have taken the state highway. Upon querying for the route, I was told there’s no ‘Horse-ley’ here, but I could visit ‘Haarss-lee’ hills nearby if I wanted to.. Now having corrected my pronunciation, we started our climb. The ascent to Horsley hills is very similar to Nandi hills and is characterized by monkeys, hair pin turns and a slight drop in temperature. The pleasant drive ended at the AP tourism's Haritha resort. The rooms are good value for money and this resort defines the place. There's nothing else at the hill-top besides this.

However, the 'adventure sports' banner caught our eye and we started querying about it. Unfortunately, Zorbing was out of question as they would not bother to set up the ball unless we were at least 20 people. Hence we took up net climbing and suspended walk. It turned out to be a lot more exciting than it initially seemed to the inexperienced eye. We would conclude later that this, combined with the lovely roads and the view was the best part of this trip.

We started back and stopped for a while at a handicraft shop set up on the roadside. Quality's not that great, but you do get pottery works real cheap. Thereafter, we stopped at a roadside dhaba and it was just fantastic having that kind after such a long time. Also, we were still in AP and Vikram wisely ordered butter chicken. It was just awesome with the characteristic Andhra spices! We continued driving almost non stop and made it to Bangalore a little before 4pm.

For those of you considering travelling to this place or Tirupati; I strongly recommend this route. Avoid the truck traffic and the city of Chittoor by taking the Chintamani route. Also, give a call to Vamsi (9676392142). He can work out a good package for everything: your stay, food as well as adventure sports.

For a better picture, visit http://praagraw.wordpress.com/2010/02/08/an-excursion-to-horsley-hills/ and for the masterly blend of humor and sarcasm visit http://vaultofvagaries.blogspot.com/2010/02/horsley-hills-fog-food-and-fear.html

Lee Child: creditable!

"Jack Reacher: Men want to be like him, women want to be with him"

- this definitely sounds like a cheap author trying to sell a cheap book at a cheap place to some cheapskate. Too many cheaps in one sentence? Well I'll tell you something; It's a masterpiece!

Agreed, I never would have bought the book had I read these lines on it's back at the Wheeler's stall on the railway station in a dusty little town. However I was fortunate that I was recommended this book by a trusted source. Hence I did pick it up and could never put it down later.

The protagonist is a bit of a cliché. He's ex-military, no dependencies, a complex mind, has his own way of seeing & judging things and so on. However a marvelous attribute is where he spends his life. On the road. Jack Reacher is always on the move: moving from town to town. His home changes everyday with a different motel bed everyday. I will not able to justify the beauty of this attribute as this is something the author does the best.

The first book revolves around a small make believe town called Margrave where everything: though seemingly perfect turns out to be a cover for something bigger.

The next book I got my hands on was 'the Visitor'. This turned out to be a splendid saga of psychological warfare. The success of all authors of the 'thriller-fiction' tag can be attributed to withholding facts from readers in the name of logical deduction and Lee Child is not very different. Nonetheless, the books are fast paced and keep you glued.

As for the opening line mentioned, maybe the fellow who made the cover was plain dumb, maybe he had seen a lot of Kollywood movies, maybe...

Hogenakkal ahoy...

Life is a sine curve. All the highs are preceded by lows. A week ago, most of us had reached a point of saturation at work. Conversations seldom featured anything bright and we were all busy proving ourselves to be the biggest sufferer of the lot. When I asked if anyone was interested in going to Hogennakal falls, I had more or less expected to get response from a few. After all, the excuses are not all that silly now: people do have better things to take care of at work and home. To my surprise, when the time of congregation was finalized; the number was staggering. All of us were going and the hot Accent Tornado, the RE Thunderbird, the Volt (Vikram's Avenger) and the two Pulsar 200's were going to serve us today!

We met at Silk board at around 7:10, a full hour behind schedule. After some name calling and delay blames we started towards Hosur on the NH-7. The expressway to Electronic City had been inaugurated just two days back and the speed starved demons of Bangalore immediately opened throttle to settle at 3 digit speeds. We got to Hosur in no time and got off the highway in search for a place for breakfast. We found a decent place and sought directions while we ate. We decided to keep off the NH-7 and take the road less travelled. This route was just what we love: small villages, twists, turns and yet awesome tarmac. The rural lands with fields extending to eternity are a treat for the eyes. We did mess up in between when we collided amongst ourselves. A tyre burst, a scraped exhaust, a broken swing-arm, a tail lamp had shaken us all a bit but in the end the spirit prevailed and we continued our journey.

After the Hogenikkal toll gate, the hills were majestic and we stopped for a few pictures. Monkey threat did not deter the brave Vanchi from mounting his camera on the tripod and capturing the majestic view with all of us. One creature also tried his hand at Sid-C's thunderbird.

He abandoned his antics in a while and was content looking at his beautiful self in the mirror. Bugga & I covered the downhill journey of around 2 Kms without starting the engine and reached Hogennakal at around 11.We parked and Mr.Vanchi put his Tamil speaking skills to good use. After haggling with the boatman for a while, we struck a deal for 200 per head- this included a coracle ride to the falls, one hour stay at an island beyond the TN-Karnataka border. This might not be the best deal but we were short on time. However, we did end up spending a lot of time at the island- and in the end it was totally worth it.

We went below the waterfall and everyone was in a frenzy to put away their cameras in a packet. We cruised through the river cutting through majestic rock formations. A number of movies: Roja, Bobby, NTR's have been shot here- or so we were told by our boatman. Reddy requested the boatman to let him row the coracle for a while and to my surprise, the amiable fellow handed the oar as well as our lives in Reddy's capable hands.

And yes, Reddy did a fantastic job, the boatman even told him to leave everything and become a boatman here. Praddy also gave it a try and while we ordered fish, Bugga too took gyaan from Reddy. We packed the fresh fish at island#1 and rowed on to reach a more spectacular and secluded bank at island#2. We gobbled up the fish which was pretty decent and absolutely fresh. While Vanchi, Bugga and Reddy headed for a massage (our boatmen doubled as masseurs), the rest of us took a dip in the water. The flow was decent and the water was chilly despite the scorching sun. We lazed around in the water while the three finished their massage.

An hour later, Vanchi claimed that the massage was totally awesome. Maybe it was. Maybe it was because they had parted with some money (in addition to part of their dignity), or maybe the onslaught of punches had had an effect on their heads. However, I still recommend people to try this out. For 200 bucks, you get a really regal treatment.

We headed back in the boat and by the time we changed and reached our vehicles, it was already 4pm.

Then started the race with the setting sun. Since time was crucial, we travelled upto Dhramapuri and took the NH-7. Since Bugga seemed a bit groggy, we made a stop to move to the car. Vanchi chose a superb spot for the stop and despite the rush we had to take a couple of pictures. The fields were lush green and further beautified by the setting sun. When my request to Anjlin & Rohonesh to enact a DDLJ scene was denied vehemently, the rest of us ran down for pictures.

Poor Gogo who had 'lent' his footwear to Vanchi couldn't step out though thanks to the dearth of the same. Again, we sped off and continued our race with the setting sun. The idea was to cover as much distance as possible in sunlight. But alas, my hopes of reaching Hosur before sunset seemed to have been shattered when I could hardly see and had to switch on my lights. However, an instant later something struck me and I removed my sunglasses. The road lit up once again and I thanked God for the light and questioned if my brain was in fact the silliest of them all?

We reached Hosur just as night arrived and continued the journey to Bangalore at a moderate pace. It was almost 8 by the time we reached NGV and started fighting for the biggest sofa to lie down on.

I won't bother summarizing: Pictures say it all!

My first Diesel Burnout!

It'll take a while for me to take FIAT seriously. I can recall the numerous FIATs (the good ol' premier Padmini) my father had. The story was the same: sell the aging FIAT, move to a new place and buy another second hand FIAT. Then, there was something more besides Ambassador and FIAT. It was called Maruti Suzuki and we have never looked back to FIAT ever since. I tried to convince my father to get the FIAT Uno or the Sienna but then the Accent turned out to be the new kid ruling our hearts.. Nevertheless, one can hardly ignore the way FIAT has made a comeback. The crumpling partnership with an industrial tools company, failed service network- FIAT has finally put that ll behind and collaborated with the TATA’s to come back with a bang!

Sorry to mislead you guys all this while, but the car I’m gonna talk about here is not a Fiat. What follows comes from my experience of driving a Maruti Suzuki with a FIAT heart. Ironic isn’t it? FIAT is supplying a heart to the brand that was responsible for obliterating it in the 90s..

The story starts from the G-8 summit in my hometown. Now don't ask about G-8; that's the silly name we've given to our elite gang. When we stepped out of the restaurant after a merry time, I was zapped to see a shining new Suzuki Ritz. The modest, humble and the true gentleman- KT the lawyer had failed to mention that he's got a new car! I was on KT's head congratulating him and cursing him for not giving this news earlier!

KT threw me the keys in a filmy style and I clumsily missed them & picked them up from the ground. Clumsy start; but thankfully I am a bit better handling the wheel and the gearbox. I find the Ritz quite hideous looking. They've done a superb job optimizing space, but the car is almost as box'y as the Wagon-R. The headlamps make it look a little dumb and the rear would be more suitable to bring up the rear of a MPV on a Van. Since I did not take a full look of the vehicle and jumped to the driver's seat instantly, I had missed a big point by missing the small badge at the rear. Only when I cranked the ignition that it struck me- 'IT's DIESEL!!!'

This changed a lot of things instantly. I was wondering why KT didn't go for the i-10, but now my pulse was racing fast as it dawned to me that I finally had an opportunity to drive the world famous FIAT 1.3L Multijet! The 2005's "Engine of the year (1.0-1.4L category)"- the one that powers legendry cars like Fiat Punto, Ford Ka, Opel Astra, Lancia Musa, Alfa Romeo 159, & Fiat 500. Though most of the above mentioned cars have spruced this engine up with a turbo-charger, the cost sensitive ones at home don't have that luxury. Suzuki Swift, Suzuki Ritz, Fiat Palio, Punto , Indica Vista (Quadrajet-ted) come with the original unit while the recently launched FIAT 500 is the only one supposed to get a turbo charger.

As I pressed the accelerator, the response was immediate. You expect a lag in diesels when almost by definition- torque is supposed to kick in at higher RPM's. That too; needs to be augmented with a turbo charger. But right now, there was adequate punch. To be honest, I felt I was driving on gasoline! KT was talking about what superb mileage this car gives while something else was on my mind. Something I had never tried on a diesel driven vehicle. I told KT about it. KT thought for a second, asked me if I'd done this before and gave me a go ahead. In midst of the conversation, we hadn't yet realized that we were almost at our old school gate. Emotions heightened.. The memories of guys showing off their cars n bikes under the gates of 'Delhi Public School' came back. And so did the feeling of absolute hatred, jealousy and pain. We were decent kids remember? Borrowing dad or mom's car was out of question before 18. All we could do was gawk at these cool kids and admire their wheels.

Well, call it fate or whatever- we had stopped right in front of those gates, years later in the dead of the night. And at our disposal was a modest 75bhp engine with loads of torque beating the higher bhp engines.

The road was empty and I eased to a halt in the middle of the road. I engaged the handbrake slowly and built up the revs. When the tacho reached 4500rpm, I gripped the wheel tight, started releasing the clutch. As the power peaked and it felt the brakes could take no more, I released the handbrake instantly to greet the screeching tires as they screamed for grip.

The accelerator was floored and the speed of 35kmph was attained with the front tires still bellowing smoke and deafening screech. I engaged gear 2 and the transmission once again met the engine at excess of 4500rpm. The burnout continued a little more until grip was restored and the car continued accelerating remarkably on the straight road. Inside the cockpit, words of astonishment and abuses came up depending on one's manner of expressing awe at what the car had just done. I noticed that I was still clutching the steering tight. Then I remembered how I had fought for control in the last few seconds. Expected from the Suzuki package. Load a lot of features and numbers for us Indians. Nobody bothers about having a true car with a proper chassis.

Next Naman took the wheel. One of the top two maniacal drivers amongst us (No we didn't give it to Ayush next). While he drove, we verified the 0-100 acceleration and the braking figures and the car's maneuverability. It does feel a bit life threatening at some fast turns but that's a fair trade-off when you have tons of space..

We soon were dropped off while KT zipped away in his gleaming car. A good car with a brilliant engine!!

The magnificent 1.3!!